How To Not Write BTR Fanfiction
by harvestmoonrox
Summary: Based off of Misuarisu's "How to Not Write Vampire Knight Fanfiction", no plagiarizing. Includes: Mary Sues, grammar, overuse of mannerisms, and much more. Not meant to hurt anyone's feelings! R&R!


**(A/N: I would like to say that this is NOT meant to hurt feelings. I am not trying to victimize ANYONE or make anyone feel bad. I am just poking fun! Who knows? I may be making fun of myself! :D R&R!)**

Once upon a time, in a faraway, magical land, there was a beautiful baby by the name of Kymberlee Lilah Isabella Mary Sue McInsertAFakeLastNameHere. Even though she was a baby, she had long, flowy, purple hair, big green eyes, and a smile that could light up a room—without any teeth! She stole the hearts of all around her and because of this, her mother hated her with a great passion, and therefore, she locked up Kymberlee Lilah Isabella Mary Sue McInsertAFakeLastNameHere in the dungeon she had managed to build all by herself. She fed her only occasionally and beat her mercilessly daily.

Fast forward 16 years. Somehow Kymberlee Lilah Isabella Mary Sue McInsertAFakeLastNameHere's—oops, I mean, _Bella's._ After Twilight became such a huge phenomenon, she _insisted _upon being called Bella and got pissed if you called her anything else—mother mysteriously died/vanished/was mysteriously lost at sea, _whatever_, she decided to pack up all she had and force her father to move to L.A. Bella wanted to be famous! She didn't care how, or what she had to do, but she wanted to be famous.

As soon as she arrived in L.A., she and her father (by the way, where the hell was he when she was being abused?) moved into the Palm Woods hotel/apartment complex/whatever it is. She put all her bags in her room then came down stairs, and made her way back to the lobby. Immediately she caught everyone's attention and random boys stared and drooled and blushed and jizzed in their pants.

Four particular hot boys—a blonde, brunette, a boy with black hair, and a Hispanic—ran up to her and then Bella decided that she was in love with all four of them.

"Hi, I'm James," the brunette said, flashing a smile. "You're gorgeous and amazing and I love you and want you to have my babies!" James loved Bella even though she was gothic and wore black nail polish and wore corsets and leather and dressed like Enoby—I mean _Ebony_—in Tara Gillespie's "My Immortal." **(*cough* The actual worst fanfiction in HISTORY! *cough*) **

"No, wait, I love her more!" Kendall (the blonde, Bella found out) argued, balling up his fists, prepared to fight.

"She will be mine!" The smart, usually calm, usually quiet, and usually shy Logan bursted, a look of pure rage on his face.

"I SAW HER FIRST!" The Hispanic, Carlos, screamed, getting out a chainsaw.

"You guys are all single?" Bella asked, smiling as she flipped her waist-length purple hair and daintily placed a hand on her hip. The air sparkled around her and all the boys drooling around her fainted. Even Mr. Bitters, who hated everyone, and whose last name was BITTERS, for crying out loud, was all smiles and blushing and nice to her.

"Yep!" They all replied, forgetting their previous rage as they stared at Bella's face, awestruck. Where Jo, and Camille, and Rachel, and Sasha, and Stephanie, and Jenny Tinkler went, no one knew or even cared. They were all too obsessed with Bella now.

Bella, who was graceful and flawless in every way, now knew she had a choice to make. It was now, or never! Should she pick? James? Kendall? Logan? Carlos?

"Boys, I'm going to do what I do what everyone else does in the McInsertAFakeLastName family whenever they are sad, or depressed, or confused, which is all the time."

The boys stared in anticipation.

"I'm going to sing!"

Magically, a stage appeared, along with a microphone. She began singing sugary bubblegum pop songs that did not fit her whatsoever, and she did it beautifully, despite never having a single musical lesson or singing in her life, ever.

Bella left everyone to wallow in her awesomeness as she giggled and ran away.

"Wait!" Carlos yelled, standing to his feet. "What's your name?"

"Kymberlee Lilah Isabella Mary Sue McInsertAFakeLastNameHere," she yelled, over her shoulder. "But just call me Bella!"

**What to Take from This Chapter:**

1) Really long, impossible names take away from the credibility of your Original Character. All characters in books, television, etc., either have to be _so _different than the average person and, through the story, morph and/or show a normal person's traits to seem relatable, or they have to be SO like the average person, who through some miracle, get to experience more than average experiences. So names like that make them seem…well, fake.

2) Should you want to use an original, different name, DO NOT make it extremely long. I repeat: DO NOT make it extremely long! If you ignore what I say and make it really long, at the least, use a REAL, established last name, in one of the many languages on this Earth. I swear I see last names that look like people banged their heads on their keyboards repeatedly.

3) Opposites _may _attract, in some cases, but let's face it: if two people are not, overall, similar and have a ton in common, they will NOT work out! Let's use our beloved James as an example. Do you think that he, being himself, would HONESTLY be attracted to a gothic girl? I have nothing against them, but COME ON. Let's give him the benefit of a doubt and say he would—WHAT COULD THE TWO POSSIBLY TALK ABOUT? Think about it.

4) I am so TIRED of OCs having beautiful singing voices despite never having picked up a guitar, playing a piano, gone to a vocal lesson, been in a school choir, or anything instructional! At least establish SOME previous singing in your beautiful singer's past.

5) If you're going to obliterate a character from your story, give a decent reason as to why.

6) If you're going to make a character OOC—out of character—like I did with Mr. Bitters, please put that in the summary/description.

7) If the boys see you, and fall in love at first sight, they ARE NOT going to profess it the first chance they get. If anything, they'd be hesitant to! They'd be skeptical as to whether or not love at first sight actually existed—and would like to explore the idea, and you, some more.

8) IF I SEE ONE MORE MARY SUE WHO JUST _HAS _TO BE CALLED BELLA, I'M GOING TO GO JUMP OFF OF A BRIDGE. I like the name Isabella, it's pretty, nothing wrong with it. Don't be mistaken, people named Isabella! I'm sure you guys feel the same way!


End file.
